Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

·

Curt Montague Schilling is your daddy

Also your father. Also your boss. Your master. The man who writes your checks. The guy who might well call in the vig. He’s the guy. The dude. The bull goose looney. So fuck you. FUCK YOU, YANKEES FANS. What can you do, with sutures holding your tendons together? Take a ladylike nibble at my…

Also your father. Also your boss. Your master. The man who writes your checks. The guy who might well call in the vig. He’s the guy. The dude. The bull goose looney. So fuck you. FUCK YOU, YANKEES FANS. What can you do, with sutures holding your tendons together? Take a ladylike nibble at my nether regions? Oh, HEY. That’s what I thought.

I’m not ashamed to tell you that I cried a little tonight. Not as much as A-Rod cried, but that’s okay.

I am all out of eloquence. All’s I can say is, this was a good night. A really good night.

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Responses to “Curt Montague Schilling is your daddy”

  1. Anonymous

    i sincerely believe the Yankees unconsciously allow the Sox to go to 7 games for the penant, because the devastation that the Sox fans feel after yet another “we were sooooo close” series is more painful than if they beat them up in 4 straight.

    i will post tomorrow, and i will be cackling while i write it. it will read, “the sox suck…again”.

    Reply
  2. Jennie SMASH!

    Harsh words, anonymous, but is that fear I see in your eyes?

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    i just bet a lifelong friend (despite the fact that he is a sox fan) on tonights game, and gave him the following odds: sox win, i pay him $100, yankees win, he pays me $20. that sound like fear?!

    i find your site rather amusing, and still find you endearing, despite your affiliation with the sox.

    game on!

    Reply
  4. Jennie SMASH!

    Aw, okay. I guess we can be pals, then. Sorry ’bout the whole “fuck you” thing.

    I love compliments. It’s a failing.

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    well, after your slander of the yankees, my first thought was to send you a photo of my ginormous genitalia (as that seems to be what many of your readers tend to do). but your “Take a ladylike nibble at my nether regions” softened me up (completely unrelated to my own nether region). although, that did nearly prompt me to break out with my own version of what my friend likes to call “The Oral” (its a given that after 5 beers, this guy will corner someones girlfriend (usually the newest girlfriend, as they are the most unsuspecting) and describe, at length, his oral technique, which includes, amongst a host of other tricks, “the clamp”), but i thought it inappropriate.

    but i will have you know this, there is nothing ladylike about my version of “The Oral”.

    Reply
  6. Anonymous

    All Yankees fans are alike – stupid (you not only have to be prompted when to cheer at Yankee Stadium, you’re given a little graphic showing you how to clap your hands), arrogrant (never expect a yankee fan to admit when they’re wrong – they’d rather try and mame the players with rubbish), and, well ugly frankly. I’m not sure why that is… probably due to a life of overindulgance.

    God Bless the Red Sox for if the Yankees win, Satan wins.

    Reply
  7. Anonymous

    Um, don’t look now but your “daddy” Curt is out campaigning for George W. Bush…

    Reply
  8. Anonymous

    You adoring fans have a right to know the truth–keep your Curt worship for the mound–off the mound he does not deserve your adoration.

    Anyone who thinks Schilling is a good guy doesn’t know Schilling. I do, and I can tell you that he is a nasty, self-centered, self-rightesous a$$#ole who really wants people to think he’s a good guy. He does all the ALS stuff and PR stuff because it looks good. He complains about it in private and has a really surly disposition in real life when the cameras are off him. He really thinks he is some sort of chosen one–not just a better pitcher, but just plain better than the rest of us.

    And yes, he and Shonda both plan to enter politics. I’m not sure which is worse them getting in to politics with her being so stupid or him being so evil, but with their connections we can expect the Republican party to welcome them both into the ring. Heaven help us!

    Reply
  9. Anonymous

    http://www.superlefty.com/2004/11/fuck-you-curt-schilling.html

    Reply
  10. Anonymous

    http://www.superlefty.com/2004/11/fuck-you-curt-schilling.html

    Reply

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