Monday, June 09, 2008
Weather Report
Let me tell you how hot it is here. It's so hot, that I'm doing the dishes right after I eat, so that the Giant Roach of Sumatra doesn't wend his evil way from my old apartment on the Lower East Side and take up residence in my Park Slope kitchen.
If you're not in New York right now, all I can say is, eff you in the ay, pal. It is goddamn hot here. I'm about to go take my third shower of the day and I suspect I'll need another when I wake up. I have the AC going full blast and I had to buy a fan on my way home from the DMV.
Savor that, for a moment: On my way home from the DMV. Today, on the hottest day of the year, I had to walk a mile to the DMV, wait on line in a room full of screaming children and very scary men with actual grills in their mouths, without air conditioning, to get a very un-official looking piece of paper that the State of New York claims is a temporary license, but which I think is actually one of those fucking "stickers" they used to give you in Cracker Jack boxes - you know, the kind where the stickum is not included.
Other things I did today, which were not suited to the weather:
1) Carried a 20-pound bag of laundry down the street and up my stairs.
2) Hauled four bags of groceries from the store to my house.
3) Did I mention the DMV? Yes? Well, there wasn't air conditioning. Thought you should know.
My pal Bonnie, who is southern and very lovely, said it was "hot as Hades" today, and that about sums it up. Hades = New York w/o AC.
Although, as Ma Smash is fond of pointing out, we're not great about AC here. AC is a luxury "they" know you'll do without, so long as you're allowed to stay. Other luxuries of this kind include reasonable rent, produce that doesn't look like it's been hurled at bowling pins, drinks that cost less than a meal in most parts of the country, and 40-year-old men who don't dress like members of Fall Out Boy.
If you're not in New York right now, all I can say is, eff you in the ay, pal. It is goddamn hot here. I'm about to go take my third shower of the day and I suspect I'll need another when I wake up. I have the AC going full blast and I had to buy a fan on my way home from the DMV.
Savor that, for a moment: On my way home from the DMV. Today, on the hottest day of the year, I had to walk a mile to the DMV, wait on line in a room full of screaming children and very scary men with actual grills in their mouths, without air conditioning, to get a very un-official looking piece of paper that the State of New York claims is a temporary license, but which I think is actually one of those fucking "stickers" they used to give you in Cracker Jack boxes - you know, the kind where the stickum is not included.
Other things I did today, which were not suited to the weather:
1) Carried a 20-pound bag of laundry down the street and up my stairs.
2) Hauled four bags of groceries from the store to my house.
3) Did I mention the DMV? Yes? Well, there wasn't air conditioning. Thought you should know.
My pal Bonnie, who is southern and very lovely, said it was "hot as Hades" today, and that about sums it up. Hades = New York w/o AC.
Although, as Ma Smash is fond of pointing out, we're not great about AC here. AC is a luxury "they" know you'll do without, so long as you're allowed to stay. Other luxuries of this kind include reasonable rent, produce that doesn't look like it's been hurled at bowling pins, drinks that cost less than a meal in most parts of the country, and 40-year-old men who don't dress like members of Fall Out Boy.
Labels: weather
Sunday, June 08, 2008
It's Hot
My AC is going full-blast, and I'm still dripping with sweat.
Yesterday was my birthday party, and the hottest day of the year so far. I wisely decided to do the party outdoors, at a beer garden. Everyone melted into puddles and got mopped away by ladies wearing wench costumes.
Another thing that happened at the beer garden: Every single person I know left with their wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, triad relationship or casual fling. Everyone, that is, except the birthday girl. I think you know what this means.
It means it's time to find new single friends. Coworker Dennis and I will be accepting applications. In order to qualify, you must be:
1) Doy, single.
2) Able to read. (You must also own books, particularly ones you'd like to lend me.)
3) Able to drink and fond of doing so.
4) Not totally insane.
5) Not totally sane either, because what would we talk about?
Females, males, and persons of all known genders and inclinations are welcome. Applications may be included in the comments.
Yesterday was my birthday party, and the hottest day of the year so far. I wisely decided to do the party outdoors, at a beer garden. Everyone melted into puddles and got mopped away by ladies wearing wench costumes.
Another thing that happened at the beer garden: Every single person I know left with their wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, triad relationship or casual fling. Everyone, that is, except the birthday girl. I think you know what this means.
It means it's time to find new single friends. Coworker Dennis and I will be accepting applications. In order to qualify, you must be:
1) Doy, single.
2) Able to read. (You must also own books, particularly ones you'd like to lend me.)
3) Able to drink and fond of doing so.
4) Not totally insane.
5) Not totally sane either, because what would we talk about?
Females, males, and persons of all known genders and inclinations are welcome. Applications may be included in the comments.
Labels: coupley people, my birthday, weather
Monday, March 19, 2007
Chocolate vs. Snow
It's going to snow again tonight and I'm seriously not going to make it. The bodega across the road is making a mint off me in daffodils and chocolate. I've got to cheer up somehow.
I do wonder what they think about people's regular purchases over at the bodega. I usually buy cheese or chocolate and flowers. There's another dude who buys a whole bunch of hardware-type stuff and condoms. I stand back when he orders: "I'll take the duct tape, a glue-stick and ... uh ... some Trojans." Ew!
Late-night, the drug dealers are always there. These guys are pros. They're not like the dudes who brush by you in Union Square hissing "smoke." They only ask if you're interested. I suspect that most people who buy cheese, chocolate and daffodils are bad business. We've already got our synapses sorted. Perhaps at the expense of our thighs, but what can you do. Anyway, they never ask me.
The only reason I know they're drug dealers is that there's no other reason for a 16-year-old white kid to be there.
I do wonder what they think about people's regular purchases over at the bodega. I usually buy cheese or chocolate and flowers. There's another dude who buys a whole bunch of hardware-type stuff and condoms. I stand back when he orders: "I'll take the duct tape, a glue-stick and ... uh ... some Trojans." Ew!
Late-night, the drug dealers are always there. These guys are pros. They're not like the dudes who brush by you in Union Square hissing "smoke." They only ask if you're interested. I suspect that most people who buy cheese, chocolate and daffodils are bad business. We've already got our synapses sorted. Perhaps at the expense of our thighs, but what can you do. Anyway, they never ask me.
The only reason I know they're drug dealers is that there's no other reason for a 16-year-old white kid to be there.
